Domestic abuse awareness for young people

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This is a caring relationship

Two people feel good about themselves and each other. Good relationships include things like:

• being good friends;
• freedom to do your own thing;
• time and space to see your friends;
• having your own interests;
• knowing your opinions are respected;
• listening to each other;
• having fun together;
• trusting each other;
• being able to disagree with each other;
• being able to go at your own pace - including sexually;
• making decisions together;
• being able to talk about it when you have an argument;
• feeling safe; and
• respecting the decision if either of you want to end the relationship.

Everyone deserves respect and there are no excuses for abuse. Physical assault is a crime so be true to yourself and remember, someone who loves you cares about you.

This is not a caring relationship

One persons dominates and controls the other. For example:

• your boyfriend/girlfriend gets angry when you talk to someone else;
• your boyfriend/girlfriend is verbally aggressive or physically threatening;
• your boyfriend/girlfriend calls you names, puts you down, makes you feel bad;
• your boyfriend/girlfriend uses force, threats, emotional blackmail or bargains to make you do things you don’t want to do;
• your boyfriend/girlfriend threatens to harm any of your friends, family, pets or property; or
• your boyfriend/girlfriend posts unpleasant or intimately revealing things about you on the internet.

This is control and this is abuse.

Does this sound familiar?

Abusers are responsible for their behaviour. If you are in an abusive relationship, the best thing for you to do is end it. This may be tough and you may need help:

• find support from people who care about you;
• contact one of the support organisations listed; and
• carry a mobile phone or phone card and phone numbers of people or organisations who can offer support.

Danger signs

• Jealousy and isolation is when someone cuts you off from your friends or gets angry when you talk to other people.
• Aggression is when someone yells and shouts at you, uses physical violence, gets in to fights with other people and uses violence to solve problems
• Put downs are when someone makes you feel stupid, calls you names, makes nasty comments or generally puts you down
• Control is when someone checks on you all the time – where you are, where you have been and who you are with; threatens or forces you to do things you don’t want them to do; or doesn’t let you make your own decisions
• Sexual abuse is when someone does sexual things to that you don’t agree to

If any of these things are happening to you, you may be in an abusive relationship

Relationship abuse is not a one-off event. It’s a cycle and it usually gets worse if nothing is done to stop it. It’s not your fault. Types of abuse are:

Emotional abuse which includes:

• name calling threats;
• humiliation;
• blame;
• insults;
• put downs;
• isolation from friends/family;
• ridicule;
• intimidation;
• being ignored;
• control;
• pressure; and
• extreme jealousy.

Physical abuse which includes:

• putting a person in danger
• pushing;
• slapping;
• hitting;
• punching;
• kicking;
• hair pulling;
• choking;
• burning; or
• using a weapon or other object to harm.

Sexual abuse which includes:

• pressuring someone in to having sex (this could include touching, kissing, fondling, oral sex or penetration);
• taking photos of someone in a sexual situation when they don’t want to be photographed or are not aware of it (including on a mobile phone);
• sending those photos to other people or posting them on websites;
• forcing someone to look at pornography; or
• offering someone to another person for sex.

Download this information - 'Is this love' leaflet Download this information - 'Is this love' leaflet 632kb

Where to go for help

Always call 999 if you are in immediate danger

Organisation	Contact details
National Domestic Violence Helpline	Tel: 0808 2000 247 Free and confidential 24hr helpline run by Women's Aid and Refuge. This helpline will take calls from children & young people
The Hideout	Tel: 0800 1111 24hr freephone (ChildLine) Website: www.thehideout.org.uk
ChildLine	Tel: 0800 1111 Website: www.childline.org.uk Free and confidential 24hr helpline for children and young people anywhere in the UK
NSPCC	Tel: 0808 800 5000 Website: www.nspcc.org.uk Free and confidential 24hr helpline
Wiltshire Police	Tel: 101 Website: www.wiltshire.police.uk

If you are abusing someone you need help.

If you want to change your behaviour, you can – with help. To talk to someone who can help, phone: Respect on 0808 802 4040 or visit their website for more information

Respect offers information and advice to people who behave in abusive ways, as well as those who are victims of abuse. Nothing is so bad you can’t talk about it.

Last updated: 7 February 2012